If the question is: When a man and a woman link, how do weaves happen, then the answer is two-fold:
The person who is guiding the flows either uses their power (saidin/saidar), and the opposite power naturally reinforces their weave, or, they can channel saidin and saidar simultaneously and independently [if they know how].
cleansing of saidin
Rand channeled both Saidin and Saidar to achieve his purpose. However, with Perrin, Neald explained that saidar merely reinforced his channeling of saidin. In another instance, Semirhage had to remember how a certain effect was created by Saidin when using the domination band, which indicates that she had directly channelled Saidin herself [the domination band didn't exist in the AoL]
This can be explained by the fact that knowing how to work one of the powers doesn't provide the same expertise in the other, as all of the weaves, mechanisms, and even basic channeling are different. But as a woman, for example, if you are linked to a man, you can channel Saidin directly if you have learned how to do it. However, the reinforcement method requires no knowledge of the other power. Androl became much stronger in the power when linked to Pevara, even though the amount of Saidin he could channel was a trickle.