I was reading this very funny Twitter convo where someone finds out that they've actually read a fan-fiction version of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It's bloody hilarious, I'm crying from laughing so much!
A: So Dudley dies in Harry Potter right?
B: Do you want him to?
A: No I just got to the part where he was killed but Julia didn't remember that so I just want to make sure I'm not reading some weird fan fiction
B: What book are you on?
A: Finishing up order of the Phoenix
B: He doesn't di in order of the Phoenix
B: Are you serious?
A: He doesn't jump off a building?
B: What the heck, no.
B: I guess it's not a huge spoiler, but he doesn't die at all.
A: What the what?! You're trolling me
B: No, I'm not. Dudley doesn't die. In fact as the books go on, he gets almost no screen time. Why is he jumping off a building?
A: He was placed under the imperious curse and made to jump off his school
A: By the rat guy
B: Uh, I don't know what you're reading but it's not the order of the phoenix.
B: Did you get all your books from the same place?
A: It was all of them in one collection. Maybe it segued into the sixth?
B: No, that never happened in the books
A: Dudley is never forced to commit suicide
A: And I assume the scenes where Harry and hermione get intimate?
B: Ok, now you're trolling me
B: There's no sex in Harry Potter
A: Wizarding age of consent is 15
A: What?! The order of the Phoenix was full of it!
B: In the real order of the phoenix Harry is barely able to kiss a girl for the first time, and it's not Hermione
B: At no point did you think, wait this seems kind of weird for a kid's book?
A: ARE YOU SERIOUS?
A: I mean I'd heard they got more mature and dark as it went on
A: Okay, so I think I know what the answer is going to be, but did Draco and Ginny fake a rape scene?
B: I can't even...
B: I'm laughing so hard I'm crying
B: Ok, I'm going to need you to give me a rundown of everything that's happened so far in these books.
A: What sick freak wrote this?!?!
- Dudley gets placed under the Imperius Curse by Wormtail
- Caused to commit suicide by jumping off a tall building*
- Harry and Hermione get intimate*
- Draco and Ginny fake a rape scene*
- Harry does a lot of running and becomes muscly
- A professor (perhaps Snape) gives out morning after potions
- Harry has a pet snake called 'Cassandra' or 'Cassie' for short
- Snakes have "the Sight" and can see into the future
- The bigger the snake, the further into the future* [they can see]
More details can be found in the Twitter convo mentioned above if needed. Asterisks mark the points taken verbatim from the Twitter conversation.
What Harry Potter Fan-fic is that?