All I remember about the book is that the protagonist was a human female fighter pilot, she has short hair, not sure if it was blond or auburn and she was involved in making peace with the alien race. The alien race was invading Earth, but because of her they stopped, surrendered and because of her helped Earth improve its technology. I remember that she melded with something and was starting to sort of think like them and lose a bit of her humanity. It was set in the not too distant future. I believe I read it in the 90s.
The Nicole Shea series by Chris Claremont. I read it when it came out, late 80's to early 90's, Picked it up because Claremont wrote the X-men comics. Nice covers by Luis Royo. The plot details are a bit fuzzy, but it's a first contact story. Aliens, space pirates, etc. The third book involved a joint human-alien mission. Her melding with the aliens was probably a thing, especially coming from the writer of the X-men, but I can't remember and can't find a good plot summary.
Is it the Star King by Susan Grant?
Why it may be the one:
- Main protagonist is a female fighter pilot
- Has visions of someone from an 'alien' race after her plane crash
- This is what connects her to 'him'
- Meets this alien race eventually
- Alien race is actually humanoid
Why it may not be the one:
- Cover doesn't have her (or any female) on it
- Although another book in the series (Star Champion) does have a female on the cover
- Published in 2000
- Although that's pretty close to the 90s
- Aliens don't really hang around to evolve earth, they go on interstellar adventures together though