I read this book most likely in the early 90s. I have quite a few details from the beginning of the book:
After some disaster or war, humans developed telepathy and walled off most of the outside world. They believe the rest of humanity to be dead and no one lives outside the wall. Telepathy is a requirement; after a certain age, if you haven't developed it you are killed. They have a strange term for telepathy, but I don't remember what it was.
Main protagonist is male. His wife was killed by the powers that be because she lost her telepathic bond after an illness. He therefore holds a grudge against his society. He also is able to do some mental tricks that technically aren't allowed, like placing suggestions in others' minds.
As it turns out, there are humans living in a primitive society on the other side of the wall. They live in a structured society segregated by gender. Men must eat out of red bowls and such, and the women must use stuff of another color. They are in a crisis because all the men are getting sick and dying; unbeknownst to them, the substance used to color the red items contains lead and is poisoning the men. The women decide to take matters into their own hands and break through the wall to kidnap some dudes, one of which is our protagonist.
There's also a character who has reached the cut off age but hasn't developed telepathy and is sentenced to die but ultimately gets rescued.
After these beginning details, I can't remember squat. I really want to reread this and discover how it ended.