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My girlfriend is obsessed with this collection, and the more she tells me about it, the more I half remember it, but neither of us remember the title or author. I would love to get it for her birthday, and i know this is a long shot, but if anyone could help, I would be so grateful. I think it would either have been late 80s, but more probably early 90s.

  1. a story about a fast food chain destroying the rainforest, there is a loving description of a baby monkey fleeing deforestation and falling to his death. Later the forest spirit retaliates and destroys the fast food franchise with giant trees.
  2. a stone age man is executed, and his skeleton/ghost roams modern sewers seizing people as they flush the toilet
  3. a boy tortures a pregnant spider to death and the ghost eggs hatch under his skin and crawl about.

It would blow her mind if I could track this down for her, and I've googled and googled, so if anyone could she any light on the situation, I would just be so pleased.

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You're gonna love me.

I can't speak for all of those, but I know the first and last one. The first is called "Burgers," and the last is called "A Tangled Web" and they feature in Ghostly Tales for Ghastly Kids by Jamie Rix. There was even a TV series.

Burgars

Burgerskip is the most successful fast food chain in the world, particularly in the UK. At the end of every school day, children of all ages would race out of school to meet with friends and grab their dinner at the Burgerskip in Crawley High Street, as the chain's mascot — a clown — would watch over them. The clown was based on Burgerskip's CEO, Seamus O'Burger, who is planning to expand his fast-food empire even further as his helicopter team escorts him to the Amazon rainforest. O'Burger decides to have parts of it bulldozed so that there would be more space for farmland, after his pilot suggests it to him. The next day, O'Burger leads a team of bulldozers through the forest, pushing over trees and pulling up flowers. O'Burger's Amazon guide realises the extent of his tourist's plans and begs him at break time not to cut any further. Seamus ignores him as he eats his breakfast burger and orders the bulldozing team to continue. The guide refers to the tree opposite Seamus, explaining that the Amazonian tribes respected it as a deity named Panachek, the "heart and soul" of the rainforest. Seamus notices that the team have become hesitant to follow his orders and cuts Panachek down with a chainsaw. Everyone and everything in the rest of the rainforest watches in mournful silence as the tree tips over dead and Seamus stands triumphant.

The chain becomes more successful to the point of Burgerskip rapidly running out of supplies. Seamus spends a lot of time with his helicopter team to travel around the world for more farmland space, whether forests had to be bulldozed or not. Meanwhile, in the UK, a little girl named Charlotte visits Crawley High Street's Burgerskip with her father. Charlotte orders a Jolly Burger with chips and takes a bite outside. She splutters and chokes and shows her father the tiny mahogany tree inside it. The news of the burger reaches Burgerskip headquarters and to Seamus, who redirects the plane to make an emergency meeting with the board of directors. Terrified of disappointing their boss, the directors are hesitant to speak up but one stammers that other complaints about trees in burgers have reached their headquarters. The tour guide from the Amazonia enters the room and refers to outside the window. Seamus looks out to see hundreds of Burgerskip buildings suspending in the air by 300 ft (91 m) trees. The tour guide explains that this is a part of Panachek's revenge for destroying the Amazon and that he is not finished with Seamus yet. Seamus jumps on the guide and attempts to strangle him but the boardroom starts to shake. The ghost of Panachek bursts through the floor, picks up Seamus and shoots up into the sky.

It was the last time Seamus was seen and Burgerskip was ever successful. An Australian farmer found a part of Seamus' clown costume but it could not be proven that it had belonged to him. The UK became the new rainforest where roasted parrot became a popular meal.

A Tangled Web

Nigel has a passion for torturing spiders, and a habit of clicking his tongue when he talked and daydreaming with his mouth open. He nicknamed himself "Black Nigel" and would declare himself the spider that spiders feared, confusing (and sometimes annoying) his parents. One day, Ariadne, a pregnant spider, rushes into his bedroom to prepare for her labour. She crawls towards the wardrobe to make a web at the top. Nigel hears her tiny footsteps and waits, picking up a jar that he hid under his pillow. When Ariadne had spun her web, Nigel swiped the jar across it, trapping her. Nigel screws the lid on and holds the jar against a candle flame, burning the spider alive. He dumps the corpse into a bin outside his window which is collected the next morning by the bin collectors. At the landfill, the ghosts of the unborn babies are "born" and allow the wind to carry them through the town.

The spider ghosts float through Nigel's open bedroom window and into Nigel's open mouth. Hours later, Nigel wakes up with a tight chest as if he had a severe cold; through the night, the spider ghosts had spun webs around his ribcage. Nigel coughs up a spider but only spots it after it had run across the bedsheets. He realises that it came from him when he coughs up another. Nigel never opened his mouth again and now spends a lot of free time knitting. He has no idea why he always knits webs as big as his bedroom. It was just instinct.

The second one is "Bogman"

Helen loves going to the toilet but only to escape her parents' rules. The complicated back of the toilet allows Helen to hide her comic books from her family's clutches so that her weak bladder excuses are more convincing. One morning, her mother orders her to clean up after breakfast and Helen starts to "feel" cramps. Her mother threatens that if she disobeyed, The Bogman will come for her. When she returns home from school hours later, Helen asks her father who The Bogman is. He explains as he prepares the family's dinner that six months ago, a skeleton from the Stone Age had been discovered under the drainage of their house and is said to have come to life at times to look for the people that had drowned him in a bog.

At dinner, Helen's parents are adamant that Helen washes everyone's dishes. Luckily, her father falls asleep and Helen sneaks away as her mother snaps at him. On the toilet, Helen hears clattering noises, assuming she had called her mother's bluff but the clattering becomes louder and she hears footsteps inside the toilet. A thunderstorm appears in the ceiling and she smells rotting wood as a voice wails for vengeance. A skeleton's hand shoots out of the toilet and grabs Helen, making the toilet break off the hinges. In the kitchen, liquidated peat pours out of the taps and floods the room until it wakes Helen's father up. The Bogman skeleton introduces himself as Marg and accuses Helen's family of killing him. Helen frantically denies it as the skeleton pulls her towards the toilet. Her parents burst into the room as her brother Damien runs to his room for cover. Helen throws a comic to her father, who rolls it and strikes Marg, turning it into a spear. Marg disintegrates into dust and the thunder clouds disappear, leaving the messy kitchen and the wrecked toilet behind. It would take three weeks for the house to be cleaned and fixed, and the epilogue notes that Helen would do the most work. Meanwhile, Marg's disintegrated remains are gathered in a bin bag with peat and dumped in the local landfill, but it is likely that Marg might return someday.

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