Considering that sexual indiscretion of politicians in Roundworld is not unknown and often a matter of interest (ala Bill Clinton), the sexual antics of the Discworld's Lord Vetinari seem to be non-existent, despite the prominence of Ankh-Morpork's Guild of Seamstresses and various "Ladies of the night" in Überwald (land of fat and young women in underwired nightdresses). The Patrician seems to have no interest in man, woman or beast.

Is he asexual or discreet? Is his sex life (if it exists) not mentioned simply because it has no relevance to the plot of the Discworld saga?

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Although Vetinari seems to express little interest in women (or men for that matter) we do know that in his youth he had something of a relationship with the Lady Margolotta of Uberwald.

On the face of it, it appears that their relationship was not sexual, but that he would have liked it to have been:

“Oh, in my younger days I spent some time in Uberwald,” said the Patrician. “In those days rich young men from Ankh-Morpork used to go on what we called the Grand Sneer, visiting far-flung countries and cities in order to see at first hand how inferior they were. Or so it seemed, at any rate. Oh yes…I spent some time in Uberwald…”

It was not often Leonard of Quirm paid attention to what people around him were doing, but he saw the faraway look in Lord Vetinari’s eye.

“You have fond memories, my lord?” he ventured.

“Hmm? Oh…she was a very…unusual lady but, alas, rather…older than me,” said Vetinari. “Much older, I have to say. But…it was a long time ago. Life teaches us its small lessons, and we move on. The world changes.” There was the distant look again. “Well, well, well…”

The Fifth Elephant

Ankh-Morpork's increasing involvement in the politics of Uberwald seems to have rekindled their friendship. in Unseen Academicals, his relationship with the "Dark Lady" has even become something of an open secret among the gentry. Obviously no-one's quite sure what's actually going on between them but I suspect they're jolly pleased that he isn't into anything weird...

Lady Margolotta was behind all that. She was the person who, by diplomacy, and probably more direct means, had got things moving again in Uberwald, and she had some sort of…relationship with Vetinari. Everyone knew it, and that was all everyone knew. A dot dot dot relationship. One of those. And nobody had been able to join up the dots.

Unseen Academicals

Word of God (from The Ultimate Discworld Companion) is that their relationship wasn't physically intimate (probably).

She had been to the city on diplomatic visits, and not even the well-practised dowagers of Ankh-Morpork had been able to detect a whisper of anything other than a businesslike amiability and international co-operation between the two of them. And they play endless and complex games via the clacks system, and that apart from that, that was, well that.

  • I had forgot about Lady Margollotta of Uberwald until you quoted that first passage. Still, it does not surprise me that even Vetinari fell victim to vampiric charm. Commented Mar 9, 2015 at 20:53
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    Bless you for describing having an attraction to a vampire as not being "into anything weird". Commented Mar 9, 2015 at 20:59
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    @AgiHammerthief - Weird is a very relative term on Discworld.
    – Valorum
    Commented Mar 9, 2015 at 21:16
  • Not just on Discworld ... "Oh, the People You'll Meet!" Commented Mar 9, 2015 at 21:19
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    There's more allusion to the relationship in Raising Steam
    – HorusKol
    Commented Mar 10, 2015 at 2:33

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