Although I've owned several copies of "Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers", I continue to loan them and never get them back. IIRC, there was a garbageman hovering above Earth(now the landfill for the galaxy), writing his name in excrement when he falls to his doom. This happened right before Earth went rogue.

I looked on the internet after a futile search for the book and came up empty.

I'm hoping that once I get his name I can track down a picture or sketch of his vehicle which I hope to build out of Lego.

1 Answer 1


The monumental graffiti artist's name was John Ewe.

John Ewe shut down the satellite link, and followed his hairy beer-belly back to the front of the ship. Before he could reach the safety webbing, a massive pocket of methane turbulence rocked the refuse craft and sent him staggering into the first-aid box. He fingered the gash that grinned bloodily on his brow and invented two new swear words. The methane storms had been getting worse over the past few years, and he knew he should have consulted the meteorological computer before he ventured from his safety harness. As he lurched to his feet, a second methane blast hit the ship under its belly, sending him stumbling back down the narrow aisle. As he slithered helplessly backwards, his flailing arm caught the door-release mechanism, and the cockpit's emergency exit swung open.

His fat fingers scrambled for a hand-hold, but found nothing until he slid through the open doorway, and he grabbed the rim of the footledge. For thirty seconds he dangled, screaming, over Europe.

Then he dangled no more.

He plunged from the yawing garbage ship, and drowned in his own signature.

'Ewe woz 'ere', it said. And it was right, 'e woz.

For the record, the book he appears in is Red Dwarf: Better Than Life, not Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

  • Too funny. When I looked up John Ewe Red Dwarf on the web, my question was the 4th or 5th item on the hit list. My quest continues. Commented Aug 12, 2015 at 21:24
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    After spotting a question in the "Hot Meta Posts" section, I decided for the laugh to ask this question to ChatGPT ("What Red Dwarf character dies while spelling his name in giant graffiti on Earth") - the answer given was Arnold Rimmer, in "Me^2" ... If I mention that the letters were made of rubbish it says Dave Lister in "Only the Good"
    – komodosp
    Commented Oct 23, 2023 at 9:09
  • @komodosp - All the more reason for the powers-that-be at Stack Exchange to give CHATGPT access to our database...
    – Valorum
    Commented Oct 23, 2023 at 9:19

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