The story is "The Homework Horror" by Greg Cox. It was originally printed in Amazing Stories, Volume 62, Issue 1, but was reprinted in Bruce Coville's Book of Nightmares II: More Tales to Make You Scream, which is probably where you read it.
The evil number in the book is 5, not 3.
Five stayed in the shadows and kept her distance. Until 5:55.
This is Galaxy Quest. From wikipedia:
Parodying television series such as Star Trek and its fandom, the film stars Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tony Shalhoub, Sam Rockwell, and Daryl Mitchell as the cast of a defunct television series called Galaxy Quest, in which the crew of a spaceship embarked on intergalactic adventures. Enrico Colantoni ...
The Restaurant at the end of the Universe, by Douglas Adams.
The scene is recounted here: http://www.sci.fi/~huuhilo/dna2.html
A large dairy animal approached Zaphod Beeblebrox's table,
a large fat meaty quadruped of the bovine type with
large watery eyes, small horns and what might almost have
been an ingratiating smile on its lips.
EDIT: Adele C. seems to have found the actual language. So go give them some love.
I feel that after pouring over possibly hundreds of fictional languages trying to find an exact match I can confidently say that your friend made the language up on his own. That being said I have spent even more time trying to decipher it and below is what I have so far ...
This is almost definitely Ringworld by Larry Niven.
The mountain in question appears strange to Louis and company because it's so big, and it's located in the middle of the ring, while most of the mountains are part of the ringwall.
"That's the biggest tanj mountain I ever saw in my life."
He had spoken too softly. "A ...
This is probably Isaac Asimov's "Spell My Name with an "S"".
The story concerns Marshall Zebatinsky, a Polish-American nuclear physicist. He is concerned that his career has stalled, and in desperation consults a numerologist for advice on restarting it. The numerologist advises him to change the first letter of his name to "S":...
It might be this. It's a screen shot of a 4chan thread on reddit, and it fits the story beats you describe. I'd copy and paste some paragraphs from it, but it is just screenshots. The story starts with CERN accidentally opening a developer debug window for the universe.
Here's a screen shot of story:
and here's the reddit thread it was attached to.
I presume that this would be "Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions" (written 1884 under the pseudonym "A.Square", real name Edwin Abbott Abbott).
Plot summary from wikipedia:
The story describes a two-dimensional world occupied by geometric
figures, whereof women are simple line-segments, while men are
polygons with various numbers of sides. The ...
IMDb has the following summary for the film:
Private Joe Bauers, the definition of "average American", is selected by the Pentagon to be the guinea pig for a top-secret hibernation program. Forgotten, he awakes five centuries in the future. He discovers a society so incredibly dumbed down that he's easily the most intelligent person alive.
That's definitely Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
Hiro Protagonist is a hacker and pizza delivery driver for the mafia. He meets Y.T. (short for Yours Truly), a young skateboard Kourier (courier), during a failed attempt to make a delivery on time. Y.T. completes the delivery on his behalf and they strike up a partnership, gathering intel selling it to the ...
This is the Foundation classic.
In a comparative article The Art of Saying Nothing the author recounts Asimov's Foundation exactly as described:
In the Isaac Asimov sci-fi classic Foundation, an envoy from the Empire arrives for 5 days of talks to promise a small planet Imperial protection against attack. Scientists at the Foundation then use ...
Excalibur #58 (1992) fits the bill, your villain being Alchemy.
Trouble on both sides! With both the Crazy Gang and the trolls that kidnapped Alchemy on the loose, can even the combined strength of Excalibur and the X-Men come out on top?
As revealed in the previous issue, Alchemy was in with the trolls who used his mother as leverage ...
This is the His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman, in particular the second and third books: The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass.
The first book focuses solely on the girl, Lyra. The boy, Will, is introduced at the start of the second book, and he acquires the titular Subtle Knife which allows them to travel between worlds during the course of ...
The Last Starfighter (1984)
Video game expert Alex Rogan finds himself transported to another planet after conquering The Last Starfighter video game only to find out it was just a test. He was recruited to join the team of best starfighters to defend their world from the attack.
This is The Subtle Knife, book 2 of Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials Trilogy. Published in 1997 in English and 1999 in German
Will is twelve years old and he's just killed a man. Now he's on his own, on the run, determined to discover the truth about his father disappearance.
Then Will steps through a window in the air into another world, and finds ...
Many of those details match the 1968 musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. It involves a flying car, the father is an inventor who creates a new type of candy, and the children are captured by the evil Child Catcher and imprisoned.
This is actually a commonly occurring plot motif. However, the most explicit example of this would be "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" by Ursula LeGuin (PDF). The titular "ones" are those people who refuse to accept the suffering for one child as a necessity to preserve their utopia.
The only chronological element of the work is that ...
"The Last Question", a short story by Isaac Asimov, has its own Wikipedia page. It was first published in Science Fiction Quarterly, November 1956, which is available at the Internet Archive. The text is also available at Thrivenotes.
The universe is not collapsing into a singularity, it's the heat death. Trillions of years after the end of the universe, ...
You're looking for the Bartimaeus Sequence by Jonathan Stroud, the first book of which is "The Amulet of Samarkand"
A brief summary of the trilogy from the wiki (spoilered for those who haven't read the series yet):
Each of the three books is named for a magical artifact or spell: the Amulet of Samarkand, named after the city of Samarkand in Uzbekistan, ...
I'm pretty sure this is actually from a book: Douglas Adams's third Hitch-Hiker's book, Life, The Universe and Everything.
Slartibartfast is explaining exactly why the Krikkiters are so traumatised by a spaceship crashing on their planet:
"No," said Slartibartfast, with a slight quickening of his step, "the people of Krikkit have never ...
This looks like it might be The Price of Life, a 1987 short film produced by Chanticleer Films and originally aired on the U.S. cable channel, Showtime.
While it doesn’t have a Wikipedia entry of its own, but a brief description is found in the “Similar Works” section of the article for the 2011 film In Time. The emphasis below is mine.
The Price of Life ...
This is Stardust from 2007.
The film follows Tristan, a young man from the fictional town of Wall. Wall is a town on the border of the magical fantasy kingdom of Stormhold. Tristan enters the magical world to collect a fallen star to give to his crush Victoria, in return for her hand in marriage. He collects the star who, to his surprise, is a woman named ...
The story is "Time in Advance" by William Tenn.
"Here we are, ladies and gentlemen of the television audience," the
announcer exuded in a lavish voice. "We are on board the convict ship
Jean Valjean, which has just landed at the New York Spaceport. We are
here to meet two men — two of the rare men who have managed to serve
all of a voluntary ...
You're referring to the quote below from Small Gods between the Great God Om (presently in the form of a small turtle) and his acolyte Brother Brutha (presently in the form of a slightly befuddled young man) on the relative worth of philosophers to society.
“The reason why Omnia hasn’t got much of a fleet any more,” said Om. “That’s why it’s always worth ...
This is Disney's 1986 film, The Flight of the Navigator
On the night of July 4, 1978, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, 12-year-old David Freeman walks through the woods to pick up his 8-year-old younger brother, Jeff, from a friend's house when he accidentally falls into a ravine and is knocked unconscious. When he comes to, he discovers that eight years have ...
This is a Star Trek: Original Series episode:
A Taste of Armageddon
In the episode, the crew of the USS Enterprise visits a planet whose people fight a computer-simulated war against a neighboring planet. Although the war is fought via computer simulation, the citizens of each planet have to submit to real executions inside "disintegration booths" to ...
This is Serenity (2005) the follow up film to the TV series Firefly (2002). In the scene you've remembered, the crew strap bodies to the ship to blend in with the Reaver fleet around Miranda.
The Reavers are cannibalistic space pirates. They're the background boogeyman in the series and come into prominence during the Serenity Film.
The crew need to get ...
Rainbow War (1985)
Rainbow War was featured in the Canadian Pacific Pavilion as part of Expo 86 in Vancouver, BC, Canada. It is available on DVD and Blu-ray from Pyramid Media.
A fan site has more information about the film, its cast, and its production history.
Three nations with strong ...
This is The Report of the All-Union Committee on Recent Rumours Concerning the Moldavian SSR by D. C. Poyer. As far as I'm aware, it was only printed in the December '87 edition of Analog Science Fiction/Science Fact.
The story is basically as you've decribed. A Soviet-era agricultural statistician discovers an anomaly and (unwisely) takes it to his ...