Old comedy routine about the evolutionary race to become Homo Sapiens

Question

A friend told me about this once. I think he later allowed me to listen to his audiotape copy of it. Maybe. But this was in the late 1980s -- call it "thirty years ago" -- and my memory is far from clear. I have no idea of the name of the comedian who had performed this. (Someone male, and speaking fluent English, is all I can swear to.)

Here's the basic idea: This humorous piece is a comic monologue, some minutes long, in which the narrator is playing the part of an announcer at a race track. Except that the contestants aren't horses or greyhounds or even wyverns; they are entire species (or families or kingdoms of related species, or whatever) who are one another's rivals in trying really hard to evolve into humans. "Crossing the finish line," in this context, will mean turning into people, but the announcer describes it as if everything is happening in a matter of minutes, rather than eons, in some sort of cross-country "race." The announcer describes which groups get off to a good, strong start in the first minute or two, and who already is lagging behind and thus should be considered a very long shot.

One example which my friend described to me was: "Even at this early stage, the vertebrates are really showing their backbone!"

Likewise, some humorous spin is placed on the stroke of bad luck which suddenly knocks the dinosaurs out of the running.

I think the comedy routine wraps up with the announcer saying something along these lines: "And that's the end of the Great . . . Human . . . Race!"

I'd like to listen to it again. Does anyone know who recorded this?

Answer 1

This was from the comedy group, The Frantics, off of their first comedy album Frantic Times from CBC Records. More information is found on the unofficial Frantics website:

The Frantics released two comedy albums: "The Frantics" in 1984 (vinyl only, and long out of print), and "Boot to the Head" in 1986 (still available on CD from Attic Records). Both of these albums get regular airplay on the Dr. Demento show.

Dr. Demento has also released selected tracks from these two albums in a couple of his compilation albums. These few tracks are how most people (especially those in the States) have ever heard of The Frantics.

[...]

"The Human Race" provides a play-by-play by "Chuck" Darwin of evolution from the primeval ooze on up.

The routine is available on YouTube; it is entitled "The Human Race".

One example which my friend described to me was: "Even at this early stage, the vertebrates are really showing their backbone!"

In to turn one, arthropoda is showing is showing surprisingly solid form and even the long shot protada is showing real backbone!

Likewise, some humorous spin is placed on the stroke of bad luck which suddenly knocks the dinosaurs out of the running.

But wait a minute, what's this? A meteor collision in turn two has pulled the dinosaurs from the race!

I think the comedy routine wraps up with the announcer saying something along these lines: "And that's the end of the Great . . . Human . . . Race!"

Ronald Reagan drops the bomb and that's the end of the human race.