While queuing for the bus to work this morning, I randomly remembered one of the songs my dad subjected me to during my childhood. It was a Star Trek-themed parody of Bohemian Rhapsody, specifically, the opera section in the middle. I would have heard it sometime around 2005, give or take a couple of years, and I'm guessing my dad probably found it on LimeWire somewhere.

I don't remember all the lyrics, but it began with Kirk declaring:

I am the captain of the starship Enterprise

The "Bismillah" "No! We will not let you go!" section was replaced with Sulu suggesting successively-faster warp speeds, to which Kirk would respond with something like "No! That will be too damn slow!" The song ended with Spock declaring that something or other would "be illogical to me... to me... to meeeeeee~", followed by a brief section of the guitar solo as the track faded out.

Would anyone happen to know what this parody was, and who it was by? I'd ask my dad but I don't imagine he even remembers the song in question anymore.

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    I'll accept the downvotes as valid. I probably should have Googled the lyrics before asking it here, but I expected it to be more obscure than it actually was.
    – F1Krazy
    Jan 31, 2019 at 12:03
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    This was better than what you were looking for, terrible yes, but still better.
    – Pelinore
    Jan 31, 2019 at 18:03
  • @Pelinore I'm familiar with Star Trekkin', so I didn't need to ask about that one.
    – F1Krazy
    Jan 31, 2019 at 18:45
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    @Pelinore I think OP wanted something a little more operatic, perhaps similar to this treatment of Wrath of Khan. (though it's better in the original Klingon)
    – A C
    Feb 1, 2019 at 1:14

2 Answers 2


I'm pretty sure this is it.

According to the description is was recorded in 1996 by Kevin Barbare. I don't know how to answer without just including a link.

Here's a direct link to the video on Youtube if it doesn't play here.

Kirk: I am the captain of the Starship Enterprise.
Spock: Captain Kirk: This is Spock.
Please step on the transporter.
Scotty: Dilithium crystals!
Hit by Klingon missiles!
McCoy: I'm a doctor!
Kirk: Not an actor!
McCoy: Not a milkman!
Kirk: What does that mean?
McCoy: And I'm sorry -- He's dead, Jim.
Chekov: Photon torpedo . . . !
Kirk: Lieutenant Uhura,
Open hailing frequencies
Uhura: Yes, Captain Kirk,
Opening hailing frequencies, sir
Kirk: Let's boldly go where no one's gone before!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha . . .
Beam me up, Mr. Scott;
Sulu, go to warp!
Sulu: Warp three, sir.
Kirk: No! That will be way too slow!
Sulu: Warp four, sir?
Kirk: That still is way too slow!
Sulu: Warp five, sir.
Kirk: It still is too damn slow!
Sulu: Warp six.
Kirk: It's too damn slow!
Sulu: Warp seven?
Kirk: It's still damn slow!
Chorus: It's too damn slow . . . !
Kirk: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Mr. Chekov, Mr. Chekov --
Chekov: I am firing torpedo!
Spock: That will not work and would be illogical
To me, to me, to me . . . !

Some sources credit Weird Al and others claim it was originally created on something called "The Hill-Man Morning Show".

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    Some lyrics here; allthelyrics.com/lyrics/weird_al_yankovic/…
    – Valorum
    Jan 31, 2019 at 8:48
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    It's not by Weird Al. There was at time where every bad parody on the internet was posted under Weird Al, just to get the views. com-www.com/weirdal/notbyal.html
    – Zikato
    Jan 31, 2019 at 12:21
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    Oh my god the awful, it's awfully awful, it's as awful as something awful from Awful Town that just won first prize for awful at the International Festival of Awful, and holds the chair of of awful at the awful university. Jan 31, 2019 at 13:12
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    Well. That was.... horrible.
    – Tony Duran
    Jan 31, 2019 at 16:55
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    Oh, Weird Al did do Bohemian Rhapsody, just not a Star Trek based one. (Here.)
    – Mr Lister
    Jan 31, 2019 at 20:49

The parody you are looking for is likely Star Trek Rhapsody allegedly by Weird Al Yankovik. However, as suggested by other users, it's probably not the complete truth.

Kirk: I am the captain of the Starship Enterprise.

  • Are you sure it's Weird Al Yankovic's? Doesn't sound like one of his parodies at all.
    – paddotk
    Jan 31, 2019 at 10:03
  • The linked website states it as that.
    – Neo Darwin
    Jan 31, 2019 at 12:36
  • Weird Al would never have released something so bad. This would have ended his career. And there's no accordion. :)
    – Barmar
    Jan 31, 2019 at 18:17
  • He doesn't always use an accordion. But yeah, this is definitely not him. Jan 31, 2019 at 19:06
  • Added this in the answer
    – Neo Darwin
    Jan 31, 2019 at 21:00

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