Coffee machine powering faster than light communications

Question

I can't recall the name of a short story I read, and Google is drawing a blank for me.

I can only remember one detail that stuck in my mind:

I am also sure that I read it within the last ten years.

It makes me think both of the Nutrimatic that stole all the processing power from the Heart of Gold AND of the 'Bistromath' drive, in the HHGTTG series... But it doesn't quite fit. — K-H-W, Commented Jul 24, 2013 at 21:59
Also in the HHGTTG the infinite probability drive was created by computing just how improbable it was and feeding that number into a finite improbability generator which also made use of a nice hot cup of tea as a Brownian motion generator. But again, it doesn't seem to fit. — dmckee --- ex-moderator kitten, Commented Jul 24, 2013 at 22:24
It definitely wasn't H2G2, although it is an awesome book/trilogy/series — Megan Walker, Commented Jul 25, 2013 at 13:26
If it was only light speed communications, there's always Spaceballs: "You call that a radar screen?" "No sir, we call it Mr. Coffee." — Nate Eldredge, Commented Jan 18, 2015 at 17:42

AncientSwordRage · Accepted Answer · 2023-03-09 00:20:01Z

15

This story doesn't contain FTL comms 'come coffee machine', but it does feature someone who thinks that a coffee machine is a FTL comms device.

It's Defending Elysium by Brandon Sanderson.

The relevant quote is

Coln frowned, then eyed the coffee machine. “So, it's not the FTL comm unit...”

— John Rennie

answered Jul 24, 2013 at 22:21

AncientSwordRage♦

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Note that the question states FTL comms (i.e. ansible equivalent) not FTL propulsion.
– Christi
Commented Jul 24, 2013 at 23:48
2

Defending Elysium fits the description. The relevant quote is "Coln frowned, then eyed the coffee machine. “So, it's not the FTL comm unit...”"
– John Rennie
Commented Jul 25, 2013 at 8:19
1

Ahhh, that's the one. I'll have to re-read that. Strange how my mind flipped it around.
– Megan Walker
Commented Jul 25, 2013 at 13:27

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