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Many many years ago (over 20?) I was standing in a Walden Books and I flipped through this book and found an excerpt from some other book or story. What I can remember is there was a warrior that was described and was bristling with weapons. Every weapon was named. Sword, axe, bow.. even the arrows were named. Beansplitter was one, I think. Like nearly an entire page was devoted to naming the weapons he carried.

What I THINK I remember:

  • it may have been at the back of a Michael Moorcock book or an anthology.

  • The main character may have been searching the world for his lover and then lamenting the fact that he (not joking) had his genitalia turned to stone or wood or something.

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It turns out that I was remembering the right story, but the author is actually Moorcock himself. It's a short story called "The Stone Thing", from Elric at the End of Time.

Out of the dark places; out of the howling mists, out of the lands without sun; out of Ghonorea came tall Catharz, with the moody sword Oakslayer in his right hand, the cursed spear Bloodlicker in his left hand, the evil bow Deathsinger on his back together with his quiver of fearful rune-fletched arrows, Heartseeker, Goregreedy, Soulsnatcher, Orphanmaker, Eyeblinder, Sorrowsower, Beanslicer, and several others.

and

"But did it have to be made of Sandstone?"

is indeed the punchline. And, as the querant thought, it is the last story in a Moorcock collection.

cover of the paperback

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  • THANK you for the time you spent looking into it. I couldn't find it myself but could only remember some of the clues, those themselves deteriorating from my memory as time passed. This solves one of the great mysteries in my life. Thank you.
    – Carlos Mendieta
    Commented Apr 2, 2021 at 13:02
  • @CarlosMendieta You're welcome! I'm sorry I was initially wrong in my recollection.
    – LAK
    Commented Apr 2, 2021 at 13:12
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Note: this answer is incorrect; it's a short story called "The Stone Thing" by Moorcock himself, in Elric at the End of Time. See my other answer.

I thought this was Randall Garett's Takeoff!, a collection of parodies and pastiches. The one you're remembering is of Michael Moorcock. The character is a parody of Moorcock's Corum, and his genitalia (among other bodily parts, mocking Corum's Eye and Hand which had been replaced by those of gods) had been replaced. I believe the character rescues a princess, who later laments "But why did it have to be made of sandstone?"

It seems it's actually "Takeoff Too!", a similar collection by the same author. My copy disappeared a long time ago so I can't provide quotes right now. Have ordered a new one.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/973588.Takeoff_

enter image description here cover image

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    THANK you. its taken so long to find out hahaha.
    – Carlos Mendieta
    Commented Mar 30, 2021 at 16:49
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    @CarlosMendieta I checked my copy and didn't find the story there - it must have been in "TakeoffToo!".
    – LAK
    Commented Mar 31, 2021 at 0:43
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    Randall Garrett is a delight. His parody of the Lensman series was spot-on, and E.E. Smith (the author of the Lensman series) loved it. I wonder what Michael Moorcock thought of this. ^_^
    – steveha
    Commented Mar 31, 2021 at 1:15
  • What is the title of the story? This answer just points at two collections, and is not really clear which collection it’s in.
    – user83948
    Commented Apr 1, 2021 at 5:55
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    @Martin It must be in TakeoffToo!. I've ordered a new copy; once that arrives I'll post the title and a better quote from it. I can't find a table of contents online.
    – LAK
    Commented Apr 1, 2021 at 13:07

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