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In the late '90's I read a book where the main character would constantly reincarnate and have a life 'do over' until an inevitable heart attack that would always occur at the same date and time.

Each life would start a little later (he would re-inhabit his body at a slightly later stage). He meets a woman who is having the same experiences as him, and they have a relationship that spans lifetimes.

Each new iteration of their lives they look for each other, sometimes having to wait until the other person reincarnates before continuing on their research into their condition again.

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This is Replay by Ken Grimwood. Exactly as you recall, the novel starts with the protagonist "dying" of a massive heart attack -- and waking up as his much younger self. He finds the woman by virtue of seeing a huge blockbuster movie in 1974 that didn't exist in his previous lives, Starsea, produced by George Lucas and directed by Stephen Spielberg, both complete unknowns at that early date.

On another iteration, they attempt to go public, and are taken into government custody, an attempt by the government to control the future (at least up until their death date in 1988).

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